Nine years ago today, shortly after finishing my military service, I reported to my first job. I still vividly remember that moment—full of ambition, yet clueless about the differences between being a student and entering the workforce.
With a mix of naivety and determination, I began my career. My stubborn personality and extreme persistence in certain matters caused me a lot of hardship. I also encountered many colleagues who treated work like an unwelcome obligation, which was a shock to me.
After living like a pseudo-student for some time, I realized the people around me had a wealth of non-technical knowledge. Inspired, I began to explore beyond my field, hoping to grow quickly and broaden my horizons. Despite my initial closed-mindedness, I eventually joined various company clubs.
Two years of learning and growth gradually changed me. Although I still regarded technical expertise and joining better companies as my ultimate goals, my expanding perspective brought growing confusion.
Later, I joined another company that strictly adhered to technical development processes. My logical thinking and problem-solving abilities improved significantly. At the suggestion of a friend, I also started learning fitness, which brought immense joy through growth in various aspects of life. However, I struggled with interpersonal issues at work and had no clue about my blind spots or how to live a fulfilling life.
I decided to resign and spent six months in a coworking space. Coincidentally, the pandemic struck during this time. I learned the hard way that starting a business is extremely challenging. I attempted to develop my own product but quickly gave up due to my mindset and limited understanding. I returned to job hunting, only to experience unprecedented failure. I thought my past efforts and experience would secure me a good opportunity before the Lunar New Year.
Unfortunately, my experience and project depth were insufficient to convince others of my abilities. While I showed potential, I lacked substantial work and proof. My problem-solving skills were inadequate—I could outline solutions but failed to fine-tune or handle variations, let alone explain them effectively. This led to a mental breakdown and depression. Although I had food and shelter at home, I faced repeated failures in interview preparation.
After four months of effort, I finally landed a job at a company producing medical devices. I felt it was meaningful to work on a product that helps people, so I committed myself wholeheartedly despite the low salary. Three weeks later, another company offered me a higher-paying position, but I declined, believing in the importance of helping others.
However, after joining the company, I began noticing its many flaws—no engineering meetings, no proper systems, no skilled technical supervisors to ensure quality, senior management shirking responsibilities, and a lack of accountability. The company didn’t function like a normal organization. My growing frustration and resentment couldn’t change the situation. Although I improved my skills and broadened my perspective, my physical health deteriorated, and I was perpetually unhappy.
The team also suffered under the incompetent senior management, who created chaos with no resources, timelines, or technical leadership. They even passed down their ignorance and frustration to others. Management treated internal and external contracts carelessly. When they lacked the funds to fulfill agreements, they simply drafted new ones, replaying this farce every six months. It was a mess beyond words.
I swore to transform myself completely—improve my abilities, create my own portfolio, and enhance my problem-solving and explanatory skills. No matter what, I must take responsibility for my past “foolishness,” regain a healthy body, and continue striving toward my goals. This is my only focus now, and I am determined to execute it pragmatically.
9年前的今天，剛退伍不久，去第一間公司報到。猶記得那時，躊躇滿志，但也搞不太清楚進公司後，跟學生有什麼差別。
萌萌懂懂的開始了職涯，自己的個性固執且對於某些事異常的堅持，讓自己吃了不少苦。也遇到許多把工作當作「不願役」的人，讓我感受到前所未有的衝擊。
同時，我在過了一陣子偽大學生的生活後，發現周遭的人懂好多非技術相關的東西，於是我開始向外探索，希望能夠快速成長與擴大自我。即便那時的心態還是很封閉，在因緣巧合下，陸續參加許多公司社團。
經過2年的學習與成長，慢慢的讓自己改變，雖然對於技術唯一和進更好的公司視為自己唯一的目標這件事未曾改變，但隨著自己的視野擴大，也越來越困惑。
之後進入另一家嚴格要求技術開發步驟的公司，邏輯與思考能力大幅成長。也在朋友的建議下，接觸並學習健身。各方面的成長讓我感受到前所未有的快樂。但遇到與同事之間的相處問題，我卡在這關。且對於自己的盲點與怎樣過好人生，一無所知、毫無概念。於是我離職跑去共享辦公室半年，剛好也在這時碰到疫情，於是我開展自己的邊學習邊創業，創業是失敗率極高的事。雖然有嘗試開發自己的產品，但因心態與認知關係，很快就放棄。乖乖回到找工作的模式，這次找工作，讓我嚐到前所未有的失敗，自以為憑藉著自己之前累積的努力與經驗，應該在春節以前，就能找到不錯的工作機會。
可惜因為自己的經驗和所負責的專案深度不夠，雖然有潛力但拿不出實質說服別人的作品與證明。刷題方面也不夠認真，能寫出個大概，但要微調或寫變化型的問題就解不出來，也不會解釋。於是變成心態崩潰，得了憂鬱症，雖然在家裡仍吃飽穿暖，但在準備面試方面總是屢遭失敗。
好不容易在經過4個月的努力，找到一間公司做醫療器材，心中覺得這是幫助人的產品，即便薪資不高，我也願意認真努力。即便過了3個禮拜有另一間公司通知，且薪資較高，但我覺得幫助人是對的方向，便婉拒邀約。
進去之後，慢慢的發現公司的各種問題，工程會議沒有、制度沒有、沒有厲害的技術主管在掌控品質、高層的推諉卸責、含混過日子。各方面都不像一間正常的公司。我心中無限的憤怒與怨懟，但情況未有任何的改變，我的能力雖然稍稍提升、認知也有不少的突破。但還是讓自己的身體健康惡化、心情始終悶悶不樂。
團隊也因庸懦的高層，開始胡作非為，愛做不做（p.s. 因為沒資源、沒時程、沒管理、沒懂技術的主管），甚至把高層的愚昧與怨氣往下傳給其他人。高層甚至連對內、對外的合約，也視同兒戲，發現資金不足，無法履約，就很聰明的再擬一次合約，每半年上演一次這樣的爛戲。真是罄竹難書。
我發誓，要徹底改變自己，提升自己能力、撰寫自己的作品、提升解題與說明的能力。不管怎樣，我都必須為自己過往的「愚蠢」 負責，還給自己健康的身體並繼續往自己訂定的目標前進，這是我目前唯一的目標，也會務實的執行。